The last five years has taken so much out of me. At one point I forgot who I really was anymore. I just lived without living. Went through the same routines day after day and kept expecting a major change. Part of me feel shameful for giving up so many of my dreams. With so many things going wrong I traded them for the safety of a stable life even though I swore I would never become this person. I also listened to all the people who said 'it can't be done' and 'how do you expect to provide for yourself'.
Then I looked at their lives. They didn't seem to be much happier than I was. They had just settled down with what they had. I thought to myself 'Wait a minute now.. This isn't what I want for my life. Why the hell should I listen to them? What's best for them aren't the same thing that is the best thing for me.' By then I had changed into a pretty numb person, I still am. This process has been going on for years without me knowing it. Worst of all I didn't stand up for myself and let people push me down even more.
Today, everyday since, I'm trying to find my way back to the person I imagined I was. Maybe that guy is gone forever, but maybe there's a new me that's better than the person I was yesterday. I'm done with settling for less than what I deserve and I don't want to look back at my life with regrets. I'm going this for my family, the few friends I have left, my lovely girlfriend, but mostly for myself. Don't you ever give up on your dreams. Don't let people tell you that you are less than awesome. Do your best everyday and to everyone you meet as much as you can. Life is worth living so live.
I wish you all happy holidays and let's make 2015 be the best year of our lives so far!